Songs

I realized that every single song that’s close to my heart was a cry out. I can go months not listening to them and when I do I find a line that describes my exact thoughts.

The interesting thing is when I got hooked on them it’s usually for the melody and not lyrics, since it’s the first thing I notice.

Music is one of God’s gifts to us and at times they can express so much more than words.

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Stand your ground

Your choices and your happiness come with a price. Stand your ground for it’s totally worth it.

The inevitable

My therapist, who thankfully does not conduct my therapy sessions, once told me that I need to find someone who knows who I truly am, realizes my inner purity and honesty, and nurtures and protects them and not exploit either. He meant it in the romantic sense, and as truthful as this fact is, I feel I need it more on the friendship level than anything else.

I refuse to think I’m naive or weak. I may be incapable of cutting ties with people due to my fear of confrontation, but I know very well how to disappear, even if that’s considered cowardly.

All I ask is for people to treat me the same way I treat them. I ask for kindness and goodness. I ask for genuine care. All I ask for is fairness, even though fair does not exist. Life is not fair, and the faster I accept this inevitable, I’ll have less disappointments in life, people and relationships.

Happiness

My happiness multiplies when people tell me that I do look happy.

It’s not that I’m seeking validation, but rather the fact that it proves what I always believed; I’m as transparent as they come. You can easily know if I’m ok or not. My face will always tell.

I’m proud that I’m unable to be fake or a two-faced bitch.

Intro-Extro

I was never an introvert, I believe, but I’m not an extrovert either. I’m somewhere in between.

I’m an introverted extrovert, or an extroverted introvert.

But does it matter? Do I have to fit with either?

I’ve always found introverts more interesting. They keep to themselves most of the time, but their mind never rests. When they speak it’s almost always calculated meaningful words. They face many problems socially, granted, however their methodology is admirable. And over the years, and with a lot of friction, they manage to create their own manual book, one they share with no one but themselves, but they eventually fit in with all the other crowds on their own terms.

Extroverts are usually more fun. They’re loud and always the center of attention. They love to make everyone laugh and constantly entertain everyone around. They seem to have a word about every topic, even if it’s not always a serious note. Turning a gloomy subject around to a joke is a strong quality of theirs, and being serious is not something they enjoy. But in the end, when they’re all alone inside their heads, they find themselves incapable of cheering themselves up. They try to snap out of a serious thought.

Comedy is the cooping mechanism for both though. A joke can always make an uncomfortable awkward situation smoother.

Given I lack the ability to joke about personal pain or a thought I’m invested in, does this prove that I don’t fit with either?

On second thoughts..

I thought I stopped writing because I shared my thoughts with someone and therefore the need to write subsided. I’m starting to reconsider.